Silent Hero, Chapter 8

 

It’s been a while, huh? Still, for me, it’s not long enough. Anyway, I read up on the previous entries and had a good chuckle. You all found my entries funny, right? I did too. And then I realized that someone had to have read the work they were based off of. And that that someone was me. And then all the repressed memories came flooding back.

…I’m really hesitant to start this again. Just give me a second.

Okay, screw it, let’s go.

Chapter 8, I believe. The chapter entitled “The House of Many Links.”

This is a terrible pun and I feel ashamed for making it.

I’m…not looking forward to this.

Okay. Let’s go. Deep breath, Andy. They head to Termina’s southern borders again. Termina is apparently a little dollhouse of a land compared to Hyrule (author’s metaphor), as it’s quite tiny. But so very apparently important to the story. I mean, we’re a third of the way through. Can’t we just leave Termina already?

Midna and Link roam around, listening for music (it’s been a while, but I think I recall them saying earlier that the not-quite-first Link’s spirit often played music after a hard mortal life’s work of boinking fishwomen). They eventually see his spirit and follow him.

Now, at this point, the author uses a pied piper metaphor. This is something that’s always bugged me to no end. I hate it when people describe things using terms, idioms, or references that don’t exist within a certain world. See, if a character in a Zelda fic were described to be “dumb as an ox,” I wouldn’t pay it too much mind. Cows exist in the Zelda universe, so why shouldn’t Oxen? In any sort of fiction with anthropomorphic animals, it’d gain added effect, as it implies that anthropomorphic oxen are often regarded as stupid. But if you’re writing a story in an alternate universe where bovine are nonexistent, do not use a metaphor relating to them. Similarly, do not reference stories in our universe in stories set in other universes. It just kills immersion.

“It’s like we’re Bill Murray from the movie Groundhog Day, forced to relive the same sequence of events over and over,” Tatl said to Link as he rewound time.  “What the hell’s a movie?” Link asked.

Anyway. They follow Link’s spirit to some sort of cave, which is pitch dark. Link guides Midna by the hand, because she’s evidently a complete incapable klutz and Link needs to hold her hand to keep her from tripping. And it’s a good thing he does, because she almost falls down a chasm. A chasm that’s apparently invisible until you almost fall in it. That’s the only real explanation, other than Midna and Link watching the sky in the pitch-black cave instead of the fucking floor like they should have been.

Also, there are torches giving off a faint light. The thing that always bugs me about things like this: how do the torches stay lit? Are they magic torches? Does Link’s spirit need to leave a light on so that he doesn’t get scared?

So there’s a ledge on the other side, and they need to get to it. The answer has to do with the Deku Mask from Majora’s Mask, which is hanging between two torches. Link hookshots it over, then puts it on to transform into a Deku, which Midna responds to with “Awe, aren’t you adorable?” Yes, that’s how she spelled “Aw.”

Anyway, kids, can you guess what happens next? What’s that? *gasp* That’s right! There is a sequence where the author just describes something similar to the game, in which game mechanics are described in the “legends of old.” Yes, the story starts to read like a walkthrough for Majora’s Mask, complete with flower gliders appearing our of Link’s hammerspace. I cannot stress enough how painful it is to read game mechanics being forced into something that isn’t a game. Because the next thing Link does is step on a switch that triggers a bridge falling from above, landing in place. Now, in video games, we expect things like that to work. But in literature, things are tied much more closely to logic. How’s the bridge land perfectly? Why doesn’t it shatter on impact? Why doesn’t the shockwave knock Link or Midna over the edge of the abyss, and how does the rock not shatter under the impact, destroying the foundations and tipping the bridge into the chasm anyway? Think, author! These are important questions.

So Link decides that it’s time to stop pretending to be Pinocchio, so he attempts to take the mask off. But then he finds out he can’t. Not, at least, until he puts on the next mask they discover, the Goron mask. He goes through the Majora’s Mask walkthrough segment again, the bridge drops, lather, wash, rinse, repeat. There’s a brief interlude when Link puts on Zora mask where they flash back to the story of Mikau (i.e. Link the Fishfucker) and Lulu and why would you make me remember that? Fortunately, it’s only a brief mention, and Link once again comes across a Zora puzzle lifted directly from Majora’s Mask.

Midna worries that she won’t be able to survive the journey under the water (since she doesn’t have the abilities of a Zora), and Link decides that the best way to deal with this is to grab her without warning and plunge under the water with her. Because warning her would be too easy. But it’s okay, because if he screws up, the game mechanics will save him and they’ll be brought back to the room where they can catch their breath again!

Link is able to control his path by making himself more streamlined (completely ignoring the fact that the fact that he’s carrying Midna should negate this) and manages to make it through the water tunnels. On to the next room. This one is a giant abyss that requires the Giant’s Mask. This one he’s actually able to take off. So we’re done with this, right?

Nope! Link still hasn’t put on the Postman’s Hat or the All-Nighter Mask or I’m just kidding it’s just the Fierce Deity Mask. Link puts it on and another Link drops down to have a friendly battle with him for a bit. The other Link throws some sort of flashbomb that reverts them both to their natural forms. Turns out that the whole thing was an illusion that Spirit Link (for some reason, he’s not referred to as the Many-Link anymore) created as a test which means that no, the masks probably won’t play a part again and no, they probably weren’t in any real danger in the first place. Don’t you just live anti-climaxes? They find themselves chilling at Spirit Link’s house, Link and Midna are honored to meet Spirit Link, and Spirit Link is honored to meet his successor and said successor’s princess.

You know, you could at least try to be subtle about your shipping.

Since Link lives in Hyrule, technically Zelda would be his princess, regardless of romantic interest.  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t feel any romantic obligation to his king.

But on to the point of the visit. Spirit Link pulls out the Ocarina of Time, Link pulls out his Ocarina, Midna pulls out her flute, and they learn the song. And then Spirit Link passes on his piece of Sierpinski’s Triforce to Link.

With that, Spirit Link realizes that the time allotted his Cameo is up, and he provides a warp crystal to take Link and Midna back to Hyrule, stating that he must return to his place among the Zorita, asking Link as he strokes the Zora mask if he thinks they have room for a bass guitar player in their new band. Maybe I’m forgetting something here, but when did they say that Spirit Zora Link chilled with the Zorita, or even that the Zorita were forming a band? I’ll have to remember to never reread this to find out.  Not too hard, since I don’t really care anyway.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!  We are Many-Link and the Fishfuckers, and we are here to rock your world!

As Link and Midna do the locationwarp again, Link catches a glimps of Spirit Zora Link already jamming on his skeleton guitar. I still don’t exactly get the logistics of a dead guy hanging with a hybrid race as a member of a different extinct race to start a band with them.

As the chapter ends, they find themselves back in Hyrule—but not for long! Because they’re planning to check out the Twilight Realm now! They prance into the Mirror of Twilight hand-in-hand. Fade to black.

Stay tuned for the next chapter, “A Link to Twilight,” our last chapter before we begin Part 2!

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Silent Hero, Chapter 6 (2/2)

So, where were we?  Oh, yes, I remember.  Let me just back up a paragraph or two.  This is something we’ll need a running start for.

So evidently the (not exactly) first Link, the Hero of Time, spent the rest of his days living in Termina. Only there were evidently two Links created…the past Link and the future Link. Um, not quite. Future Zelda removed Future Link from the timeline by sending him back to the past. And they certainly didn’t live simultaneously or anything. So what you’re essentially saying, author, is that you believe that the split timeline is canon, but don’t care enough to figure out which game falls under which timeline? I mean, there are some arguments, but there are also some cases where it’s pretty impossible and by having the child and adult timelines exist in the same universe you oh dear I’ve gone cross-eyed and I think I’ve written this paragraph before causing me to go even further cross-eyed.

Aaaaand, what the fuck? This is the most messed up thing I’ve ever heard. Evidently, in Majora’s Mask, when Link was wearing Mikau’s soul (That’s still totally canon and totally freaky, btw), he started falling in love with Lulu. You know, the woman who is at least twice, maybe three times, his age. And, you know, a fish. What.

“Link is not a Freaky Fish Guy!” ~Mako Tsunami, expert on Freaky Fish Guys

So he never fucking revealed to Lulu that he was actually Link. What the fucking hell? Link, you fucking asshole. I don’t know if you’ve realized this, author, but Link essentially committed identity fraud and lied to a woman who loved him for her entire fucking life. He probably slept with her too, since that’s what people who love each other do. Yes, Link committed fraud and lied to a woman to get it on with a fish.

And then, after she passes, he reveals his identity and tells a few people his story. I personally would have loved to see their reactions. I mean, he’s showing people that he, the great Hero of Time, has masqueraded as a Zora and taken said Zora’s place in society, fooling his community and his lover. I can’t imagine that he was met with a very pleasant reception.

Oh, wait, no, they “honor the Hero of Time for his love and devotion to one of [their] own.” My bad. Just as an aside, I think I’d like to die now.

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I know, Mikau.  I feel the same way.

That Link, meanwhile, is evidently a ghost now, wandering around Termina. You know, they say that people become ghosts when they feel an inner turmoil that doesn’t allow them to move on to the afterlife. Gee, I wonder what inner turmoil Link must feel. Maybe it has something to do with stealing a fish’s identity to bang his lover until she died. But let’s get past all that. His ghost evidently visits the forest frequently. Midna states that they were near the forest, and may have been close to him. And then she says that Tingle maybe scared him off. Ava and Asher agree that he’s unpleasant. Because continually bashing a character that everyone already hates is good writing, evidently. Just fucking let it die. You don’t have to bring your vendetta against Tingle up every chance you get.

Asher decides to get some shut-eye, Midna decides that she’d like to admire the night for a while, Ava decides to keep Midna company, and Link decides to go explore a bit. I was excited for this, as it sounds like the Zorita live in a place that’s visually stunning. However, we’re just told that Link explores rolling hills, waterfalls, and caves. Gee, those sound really interesting. Can you tell us what they’re like? No? Okay, never mind. I guess they weren’t all that stunning after all.

Link walks until his feet are tired, and heads back. He lays down on a hill not far from Ava and Midna, sitting on the “velvety folds” of the grass on the hill. Erm…well, I’m not really sure that either grass or hills have folds, but eh, whatever. What I am sure of, though, is that grass isn’t velvety. Have you ever laid down on grass for a while? Sure, it’s nice and soft, but it’s itchy. Sleeping on the grass would drive me insane. I’d be up all night scratching. But hey, maybe it’s magic grass. That would explain why they creamed themselves when they were walking on it.

Link tries to block out Midna and Ava’s conversation, but it’s admittedly pretty hard not to eavesdrop when you hear your name. They’re talking about him. Let me take a moment to bring up the Bechdel Test. In order for a work to pass the Bechdel Test, there are three requirements, each one dependent on the last. There have to be (1) two female characters who (2) talk to each other about (3) something other than a man. We’ve had Midna talk with the Goddess of Time (who, being an unnamed deity, is disqualified) and now Ava (who counts). So that’s test one and two passed. Does it pass test three? Oh, sorry! The only private interaction Midna’s had with another woman, and we don’t get to hear any of it but the bit about Link. In fact, were they even talking before he came back? I dunno, as what he hears sounds like the beginning of a conversation, not the middle of one.

Anyway, Link comes back at the most convenient time ever. They couldn’t talk about him while he’s away. No, they have to wait until he comes back. And it’s not about him as a hero or anything. It’s automatically “what do you think of him?” This question almost always translates to “are you in love with him or not?”

Link hears their conversation and holds his breath until he becomes lightheaded. Evidently, the night is deadly quiet and he’s only five feet away from him, because he has to exhale slowly so that he isn’t heard. If he’s that close, why didn’t they notice him when he came back? I dunno, there’s really no reason for him to be so quiet. I’m pretty sure they can’t hear him. Also, it’s amusing how the guy who’s apparently so mute that he can’t even grunt has to work at being quiet.

Midna’s eventual reply is “He shares the soul of one I once loved. Or at least, I think he does or else want him to. But it could not be then either. Darkness and Light only create shadow, don’t they?” Um…what? Proofread, author, proofread! I think that what she’s trying to say is that she wants him to share the soul of the old Link, with whom her old relationship never would have worked.

Link is saddened by this and goes a bit emo again, using the phrase “defective forest rogue” to describe himself. Okay, I can’t help but laugh at that. What the hell is that even supposed to mean? On the plus side, I’ve got the perfect name for my new band now.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!  We are The Defective Forest Rogues and we are here to rock your world!

Ava’s reply is “Perhaps, as Dawn [not sure why it’s capitalized] proves every morning, Darkness can only be overcome by Light.” Um…okay, so…is “Darkness” supposed to be Midna? Because that’s the interpretation I got from Midna’s statement. If so, there are some pretty unfortunate implications going on there.

Link’s “Kokiri-trained ears” are evidently more steadfast than his “Hylian eyes which long to wander.” Is it just me, or is the author making a lot less sense in this chapter? Anyway, he wants to look at Midna to see how she really feels. Aww, look! The people who have known each other for all of maybe three days and are centuries apart in age really do love each other!

So two stars streak past, winding around each other (ZOMG SYMBOLISM!) in a dance that is described as magical but is really completely stupid, and then the birds sing, and two moths circle around him, one landing on his finger. This paragraph serves no purpose other than painting a scene in a way that completely derails the flow of the story.

I think I’ll just post the next thing Ava says for you.

We Zorita…we believe that Nature, as the foundation for the world the goddesses created for us, contains some of the deepest wisdoms.

“Take all these signs, especially the song of the moon blossom birds. Mates for eternity; the only creatures known to consummate their love within a nest made of moon blossom petals which they consume afterwards. In doing so, they are granted the eternal life of the moon blossoms, and for so long lasts their love…

“I do not know what these things may mean for you. But do not close your heart. Better to love and find out that he is not the one than to never search and find that one. And if the love is true, even if it turns out it is not what the goddesses deem best, there will be sorrow but no regrets of the time you spend together.”

Okay, first of all, what is it with random Capitalization of Words that seem vaguely Important? Does “Nature” really need capitalization? And if “Nature,” why not “goddesses?”

Second, everything about the moon blossom birds. They mate for eternity. Really? Eternity? Do they just not ever die? I get that they’ve got eternal life (which is reason enough to wtf on its own), but are they also invincible? Or if they do die, do they meet up in the afterlife again? Or reincarnate and find their partners again? And if either of those are the case, how the hell does everyone else know it? They do not mate for eternity. Not to your knowledge. Also, they build nests made out of moon blossom petals. Are these nests made on the ground? Because the nest wouldn’t hold together if it was made of flower petals, so it’d have to have the ground to support it. They gain immortality by eating the flower petals, so why doesn’t everyone eat the flower petals? And finally, for their mating ritual, they make the nest out of petals, boink each other in it, and then eat it. What.

Third, Ava’s essentially just restating that old adage “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Let me ask you something. Have you ever been in love? Or even had a crush? Okay, has that ever ended badly? Anyone who has loved and lost can tell you that the idiom is pure bullshit. Maybe that’s just me, though.

So Link turns to look at her, unnoticed (his changing of positions evidently being quieter than his breathing), and watches the other moth land on her hand (ZOMG MOAR SYBOLISM). The beauty (read: stupidity) of this causes him to more or less jizz in his pants.  Or maybe it was the velvety grass he was sitting on.

So Midna and Ava eventually depart, and Link waits a while before departing himself. As he heads to the room he’s evidently supposed to sleep in (as opposed to the itchy grass), he hears footsteps, and sees Ava, who is floating down the hall. Floating. Um…in the air? I assumed that they sort of flew instead of hovered. And if that’s the case, how did he hear her footsteps? Well, the Zorita swim, too. Maybe there’s an unmentioned body of water or something she’s floating down. But if that’s the case, how the hell did he hear her footsteps?

She looks at him, and there’s something in her eyes (something that’s never explained) in them that gives him hope. He sees some sort of promise there. In her eyes. The promise of the Zorita’s eyes. Like the chapter title. Did you see that? It makes more sense now, doesn’t it? It’s still stupid, though.

So as he drifts to sleep, Link decides that, yes, he’s probably in love with this woman he’s known for three days who’s centuries older than him and is crushing on his past life.

Okay, I just finished reading Lolita not too long ago. I’m gonna have to say that the relationships in there are less screwed up than the ones in here. Lolita, by the way, is about a pedophile. But at least in Lolita we get to see the psychology behind the relationship and are showed why exactly it’s messed up and what sort of damage it does. In fact, at the end, the protagonist admits that he almost certainly ruined the girl he loved. Here, the relationships are treated as if they’re perfectly normal, and no one seems to bat an eye at the general wrongness of them.  Good job, author.  You’ve gotten me to declare your book more messed up that fucking Lolita.

Link wakes up in the morning, and Midna gives him a smile. It was like the conversation last night had never occurred, according to the book. And at the same time, it was like the opposite all at once, again according to the book.

So then they leave to find the Many-Link or whatever the hell that thing’s stupid fucking name is. They just leave.

…Okay, what? Really? Fucking really? They don’t even learn a song here or anything? No major plot? Are you fucking kidding me? You made me read a whole fucking chapter that I wrote five fucking pages on just to give your fucking Zora/Rito hybrid race a fucking cameo? You are fucking kidding me you fucking fuck fucker fuckity fuck fuck I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU YOU BASTARD I’LL FUCKNG KILL YOU ALL THAT WAS THE MOST POINTLESS SHIT I’VE EVER READ YOU SON OF A BITCH I HOPE THAT MAJORA FUCKING RAPES YOU IN THE ASS FOR THIS YOU FUCKING TIME-WASTING BITCH!

*Sigh* Well, let’s see what we’ve got for next time.  Okay, it looks like exposition, exposition, and more exposition.  Whee!  I’m actually excited for that!  You know why?  Because it’s a relatively short chapter, and there’s no possible way that it can get any worse than The Hero of Time boinking a fish-woman.  *shudder*

Andy

Silent Hero, Chapter 5 (2/2)

 

Okay.  Let’s see.  Where were we?

Oh, yes.  Link and Midna were in a temple at the top of Ikana Canyon.  There, they met the Goddess of Time, who may or may not have been Nayru.  Said goddess is about to teach them a song.

Okay, so, she pulls out a harp (just like Nayru played in Oracle of Ages) and Midna, somehow knowing what to do, pulls a silver flute from her cloak. Okay, so she’s got a bow, a rapier, a flute, and who knows what else just on her person. How is none of this visible until she needs it? Does she have an inventory or something where she stores everything? I don’t know, because it’s never fucking explained.

So Midna and the Goddess of Time Who May or May Not be Nayru play a song together. Also, there’s a chorus of voices coming from somewhere. Don’t ask, because I don’t know either. Don’t ask why Link doesn’t bother to learn the song either.

So the song turns out to be called “Midna’s Requiem.” Remember when I stated way back in the second or third chapter that I was totally calling Midna’s death? It’s more or less explicitly stated here for everyone who didn’t know the exact definition of the word “requiem” (like me, admittedly. Shut up. I know now because I look stuff up).

So the Goddess of Time says “I bet you’re wondering why there are two pieces of song in Termina and one in Twilight.” Not really, as I’m sure it’s some arbitrary reason, but I’m also sure we’re going to hear it anyway! And it’s because the holder of the second currently resides in Termina also! No shit! Get outta here! I never would have guessed! But anyway, the holder of the second can evidently travel between realms. The holder of the second is the…um…the…Many-Link?

What? Wait, what? What is what that what I what ever what to what that what of the what in what? What? What? WHAT? The Many-Link? What? What is this I don’t even. This makes about as much sense as the last two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Congratulations!  You’ve managed to confuse the hell out of everyone!

So the Goddess of Time evidently has a piece of the Triforce (wut?), and gives it Midna, who she refers to as the Princess of the Hero of Time. Um, no. No, no, no! For one thing, Midna was never Link’s princess. She was a princess, yes, but she was the Twilight Princess. You know, like the game that was named after her. And even if you could make the argument that the fact that she and Link may or may not have had something makes her his princess, you’re ignoring the fact that the Link she knew was not the Hero of Time! The Hero of Time was only in Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask. Possibly one or two other games, depending on your timeline interpretation. But the Link in Twilight Princess is definitely a different Link. I mean, they don’t even have the same hair color! Midna is not the fucking Princess of the Hero of Time.

Anyway, fanboy rant aside, the Goddess of Time gives Midna the second piece of the Triforce of Wisdom, again hinting that this deity who in no way resembles Nayru is, in fact, Nayru. Again, why a deity would be holding a piece of the Triforce is beyond me. But fuck it, your Earth logic will not help you here. And Midna now has two pieces of the Triforce of Canon Defilement. I mean Wisdom. Do you mind if I ask what the fuck happened to Zelda? Was she not important enough to include in the story? Is she going to be limited to a cameo? That’s kind of rude to the woman who kind of, you know, the series is named for.

Anyway, Zelda probably holds the last piece of the Triforce of Wisdom. Which Midna will almost certainly take from her, because the author has some sort of weird lesbian crush on her on something. The Triforce(s) of Power are obviously held by Ganondorf, Majora, and SaruZant. What I’d like to know is who holds the other two thirds of the Triforce of Courage.

So they look at a warp crystal of some sort (which they recognize immediately—they must be everywhere in all three dimensions or something), which transports them out of the temple. Also, the voice calls again. It evidently doesn’t belong to the Goddess of Time (meaning that the fanfic isn’t entirely predictable). So now I’m gonna take a wild guess (read: the current most obvious guess) and say Zelda.

Well, this is a long chapter, compared to the others. And there’s so much wrong with it.  I mean, I’ve had to split the chapter already.  We’ve reached a text break, which is the perfect place to stop. Now, I want you to do me a favor.  I want you to close your eyes for a few moments and just think about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (if you think that game is overrated (like me), just choose your favorite game in the series).  Find a happy place for those brief few seconds of time.  Calm again?  Okay.  There’s not much left in this chapter.  Let’s just get this over with.

They end up in Termina Field after teleporting. They arrive at dawn. Link and Midna wonder (and it really doesn’t matter) whether time was reset or whether it’s just the next day. As they set off to find the Zorita (yeah, I still don’t know), they look up at the “sunset shades” in the sky. A sunset. At dawn. What.

They reach the great bay by nightfall. And what do they do? They play the Serenade of Water together. What a stupid, pointless scene. Well, okay, there is some purpose. It launches into some blatant Link/Midna shipping. Also, Midna’s eyes are evidently like two rubies. Really. Those haven’t existed in the Zelda Universe since the CD-i games. And we all know how those are regarded.

It’s sad that I’d rather play this game than read this fanfiction.

So evidently, Link carried a stick around with him. It’s a memento from when he beat Sarita in stick-fencing or something. Yes, he’s the heir of the Hero of Time, and he’s proud of beating a girl at a duel. Of course, we all know the real reason that he carries it around all the time—it’s what he uses to cut himself when he’s not around a forest.

So he uses it to draw Midna a picture in the sand. Midna is upset that he includes Sarita in the drawing. He assures Midna that she’s just a friend. It evidently depresses Midna that he might have something with another girl, so Link offers to spar with her. His rapier (that she gave him) against her, um…stick that he found on the ground. Really, Link? You douche.

Anyway, he starts telling her all these stories (through drawing them, naturally). This would maybe be some great character development if we actually saw it, but we’re just told that he’s sketching out stories of his life and she’s “listening” to them. How she listens to someone who can’t speak is left to the reader’s imagination. I’m assuming that the reader’s imagination would just assume that the author meant “watch” instead of “listen.”

Quoth the blind girl.

Link finishes up with his stories, and Midna decides that she had better reciprocate. But before she can, something leaps out of the water. And then it unfurls wings and stays in the air. Also, Link knows it’s a she because she has long hair. Yes, that makes such logical sense! Especially considering the anime-inspired style of the game! You know, anime, where Dude Looks Like A Lady is so very, very prevalent! It’s not a good indicator in real life, either. Hell, my roommate’s hair is longer than any of my sisters’.

But anyway, these are evidently the Zorita. I’m guessing that they’re a cross between the Zoras and the Rito. This might be a stupid question, but how the hell do they fly and swim at the same time? I’m pretty sure that feathered wings don’t work too well when they’re wet. Are they like flying fish? Because the record for longest flight by a flying fish is less than a minute. Maybe they’re not feathered wings at all. Maybe they’re made of some sort of a leathery substance. That would mean, however, that the Zorita are reptilian. And that just raises further questions.

This chapter was stupid, and way too long. Let me just say that I’m glad it’s over. In fact, the only good thing good about this chapter was that we’re now twenty-five pages into this story. Since the story is ninety-two pages long, simple fractional comparisons tell me that I’m over one fourth done with this story. Thank Farore.

This is the part where I usually tell you what’s on the block for next time.  However, this time, I find myself unable to do so.  The next chapter is so awful, so horribly, terribly bad, that I can’t even give you a hint of what’s to come.  The notes on what’s wrong with this chapter are literally longer than the chapter itself.  I’m not making a joke.  My sporking is longer than the chapter itself.  Brace yourselves for next week, as we take on Chapter 6: The Promise of the Zorita’s Eyes.

Andy

Published in: on February 12, 2011 at 12:44 am  Leave a Comment  
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