Silent Hero, Part 2, Chapter 1 and 2

Heeeeeeeeey, everyone!  We’re back, and we’re launching right back into Silent Hero!  Today we start Part 2, Chapter 1: The Voice Speaks Again.

When we last left our heroes, the they had visited the Twilight Realm and did pretty much nothing before heading back to Hyrule.  Now that they’ve returned to Hyrule, they’re chilling at Link’s place, realizing that “oh, shit, we really have no idea where to go from here” and that sleep is probably the best choice.

This is when Disembodied-Voice-Who-Is-Totally-Not-Zelda decides to speak again.  She tells them of sealed places of the ancient, original Hyrule, which house the spiritual stones that the first (but actually not the first) Link picked up.  They’re to be used to get to the Master Sword, because that’s just tradition in a Zelda quest and to break it would just be blasphemy.

So they have to get the three spiritual stones, put in hidden places guarded by three sages that they get to by playing Midna’s Requiem.  Where are they?  Let’s let Totally-Not-Zelda answer that question.

One Stone lies hidden in the Empress of the Wind.

One Stone rides the Spirit of the Seas.

One Stone is buried within the Goddess of the Sands.

Well.  Interesting choice, going with wind, water, sand instead of forest, fire, water.

So the voice tells them that to find the first goddess (does she mean the Empress of the Wind or the sage?), they should travel to the place where their journey began.  Um…if they’re in Kokiri forest, aren’t they kind of already there?  That’s where they started, isn’t it?

The voice tells them that she wants to reveal her full identity to them, but can’t.  But she can leave them with a name, and that name is….

…Pami?

Oh please tell me that I’m not going to end up eating my words.  Please, please please please please let it still actually be Zelda.

Oh, right, the writing itself.  After Pami gives her name, “The last fading word echoed like a fading zephyr, then stilled into an absolute hush.”

Wait, sorry, purple would have been a more appropriate color for this particular prose.

As they decide to get some sleep before heading back to the Mirror of Twilight (which is in Kokiri Forest yet—wow, what a journey!), Midna notes that they’ve heard nothing of Zelda or Ganon.  And Link’s like “yeah, that’s pretty weird and stuff or whatever” before brushing it off and watching Midna as he tries to sleep.  “Then, as her eyes gently closed, veiling the windows to her soul for another night, he closed his too and allowed sleep to come.”

Oh please shoot me now.

Chapter 2, The Stone Princess, opens with Link trying to track down Sarita before he takes off, but fails, since no one’s seen her around and she’s a master of “evasiveness and clever hiding.”  Yes, clever hiding.

Huuuuuurr, durr hurrr hurr I’m such a clever hider

So Link angsts about not being able to see Sarita as they head for the Mirror of Twilight.  Which means, naturally, that she’s there already.  She’s there making flower crowns for them because she was told that she would meet them there to guide them to the Gorons’ city.  Who told her?  Why that was oh never mind it looks like we’re moving on and it’s not important or anything.

Also, Link notes that Sarita and Midna are both his princesses in their own “rites.”

Diana, still a princess in her funeral rites.  (RIP, apologies for the potentially tasteless joke)

Sarita heads off to take them to Goron City, and we find out that she’s not the Sage of Wind—at least, not as far as she knows.  She just found the entrance while exploring the woods and some strange, cloaked woman (who may or may not be Pami but probably is), told her in a vision that yeah, this is more than just some random cave or something.

Sarita walks inside a tree, and Link and Midna follow.  It becomes clear at this point that Link and Midna’s guides must be doucheshits because when they walk into the tree, the ground suddenly isn’t there anymore!  Does no one ever think of warning anyone when something sudden and potentially frightening is going to happen?

They end up on some sort of slide (what it’s made of or how it works is never explained particularly well) and at the end, they’re near Goron City.  They then travel around in passageways that you can assume are pretty much lifted directly from Ocarina of Time.  The city is empty and quiet.  Too quiet.  As Sarita says, “It’s emptier than the Kokiri Wood during a thunderstorm.”  After a bit, she continues, adding, “Very much quieter too…especially minus the thunderstorm….”

That sentence kinda got away from you there, didn’t it?

After wandering around for a while, they find the Gorons, who welcome them and say that their princess has been waiting for them.  Are…are there even any female Gorons?  That is a good question.  In here, there apparently are.  Unless she’s not actually a Goron.

The Gorons decide that the best way to test Link is a game of “Find the Princess,” so they shove him into a room with a maze of statues of her and lock the door.  Because only the true hero would be able to pick out the princess for some arbitrary reason.  After a bit of searching, Link decides to pull out his ocarina and play “One of These Things is Not Like the Others.” 

No, I’m kidding.  He plays Saria’s song because that’s what makes Darunia dance in Ocarina of Time and Din forbid the story depart from that in any way.  And the princess starts dancing, exclaiming that it’s a HOT BEAT just like Darunia did.  That must be why the Gorons figured the true hero would know what to do.  Because the old stories inevitably included the part about the HOT BEAT.  Them be some detailed ancient legends, yo.

The princess, after blowing her cover,  reveals her name to be Onyx (not to be confused with Onix or Onox).  She’s the Sage of Wind that they’re looking for.  She’s going to send Link and Midna to the volcano on Death Mountain, where Link must fight a dragon named Codiya.  That’s maybe not the best name, but it’s not terrible so it’s not funny.  To make it funny, we’ll call him Cody.

Some more Gorons come and gather around after that, cheering Lady Onyx (one of them including a “wooooot” for some reason).  Then they go on about the HOT BEAT.  With quite a bit of emphasis on HOT and BEAT.  We get it.  Darunia described Saria’s Song as a HOT BEAT.  It’s regarded as one of the funniest moments of the game.  Stop killing it by driving it into the ground.

Also Onyx’s funetik aksent is inconsistant and I can’t tell what exactly she’s supposed to sound like.

So they head to the old king Darunia’s throne room, where they’ll need to play Midna’s Requiem to go back in time.  Unfortunately, it’s dangerous to go alone if you’re small like Saria (because short people got no reason to live or something), so she has to stay behind, and there’s a tearful goodbye that no one actually tears up for because no one actually cares about these characters.

And with that, Midna and Link utilize the time travel mechanics that half the Zelda games have and go baaaaaack to the paaaaaaaast!

Next time: Midna and Link fight Cody the Dragon in Part 2, Chapter 3: Beyond the Throne!

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Published in: on January 12, 2013 at 12:14 am  Leave a Comment  
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